Teaching the blessing of Being Best Friends

"Secret to being Best Friends"

#1 Reason for Marital problems~starts from the beginning of the relationship!

The divine purpose of 'Courtship' is to get to know each others heart's NOT bodies! 

Dating, is the false substitute of God's plan for entering marriage. Dating is what robs most relationships of the divine blessings which God intended for each of us in a marriage relationship. This false substitute has corrupted the blessing God meant for 'Courtship to Marriage' in our culture as the numbers rise in pre-martial sex and living together before marriage. Dating says, "All I care about is a quick fix to my loneliness and I really don't care about you/ I can be lazy about our relationship/ Lust is more important than love/ If we have issues I'll just try someone else! Dating has little to low standards and poor results~more marital problems, higher divorce rate, higher rate of abuse, sinful addictions and adultery. 

Courtship is a commitment to become the best of friends by spending time together (6 mon. to 2 years on average) with set boundaries and limitations which promote respect for one another, reverence for God's Will and desire to live a life which will be blessed. It is intentional investment into the relationship to connect spiritually & emotional as best friends while acting upon self-control to preserve the intimacy for after the commitment before God and others in joining together as one until death do you part. This relationship is built on the solid foundation of both male and female devoted to their first love in Jesus, a higher standard of respect for one another, an agreement to resolve issues, and a devotion to build a blessed relationship. Courtship has high standards and great results~better prepared to deals with issues in life, longer lasting relationships, better sexual relations, better friendship, no worries of sexual diseases or unplanned pregnancies and less sinful behavior. 

Seven Foundations of a Good Friendship

1. Faithfulness (Prov. 17:17)

2. Believing in one another (James 2:23; Gen. 12:1; Psalms 100:4)

3. Embrace your differences ~ 3 levels

a. reject others differences 

b. accept/tolerate others differences

c. celebrate others differences

4. Be real and transparent (John 15:15)

5. Be a pace of safety and refuge (Heb. 4:16; Gal. 5:22)

6. Be fun, creative and positive (Prov. 18:24)

7. Bear each other's burdens

Marriage is about Sharing and you are not sharing if you expect your spouse to live in your world!

Be Best Friends

Marriages robbed of friendship are missing a vital element that makes that relationship a paradise. If friendship has grown cold in your marriage, or was never given an opportunity to develop at all, 'you' can change that. 

Silent Influence of Parents

Have you ever thought about the silent influence you have as a parent? I have and do all the time, still yet I probably do not focus enough on the importance of this subject. Some may ask, "what do you mean by that?" Let me briefly explain.  

I believe most of us can agree that our child learn a great deal by our attitudes, actions and advise. Let me go a step deeper. Our children are watching us as a model without expressing how important our roles really are to them, because they are unaware of it for the most part. 

As a believer we know by faith, that each child is an inheritance of the Lord and we are the trustee's of His children. We are to raise them up in the way they should go and lead them to a life of blessings not curses that they at the appointed time will choose Life, Eternal Life in Christ for which they will receive the inheritance of the Kingdom of God which is Heaven. As well as live a life full of blessings through the Father's Will with Jesus as our Perfect example. 

So let me start with the role of a father. Fathers you have a huge  and very important roll and responsibility in the life of each child and each gender will be affected differently by your role in their life. Studies have shown that most adults relate to God as Father as a reflection of their relationship and teaching by their earthy father, whether taught of God or not. The Bible reminds us that we will give an account of all that we are entrusted to and all that we do or don't do. Now this is not meant to be a hell-fire sermon, but a truth exposed without apology, because the Truth sets us free, however we must first know the truth in order for it to set us free. Jesus Christ is The Truth, The Word~written in the Bible, The Life and the Way! As you seek, learn and follow his way you will be set free to be an amazing blessing to your children~a reflection of the Father's love! 

Fathers and sons~ Fathers you have a silent influence upon your sons in many ways! You are the example of what a man is to be, the example of integrity, the example of a honorable husband, a loving father and a child of The Living God or a follower of this broken world. 

Fathers, teach your sons to be young men worthy of praise and honor, gentlemen, dependable, hardworking, faithful, humble, loyal, loving, gentle, kind, compassionate, self-controlled, patient, and peacemakers. 

How do you teach this? You (both Fathers and Mothers) must first be a student of the Great Teacher and daily learn from Him. Far to often in our culture we learn from the ways of others who follow the teachings of our society, this is dangerous! Why, because we may fall to the temptations of quick satisfaction and self-reliance until the day comes we are face with the enviable end of our fate and we are faced with questions such as: what our life was worth?; what was it meant for?; what will we leave behind? as well as where are we & our loved ones going? I have never attended a funeral where the loved ones stand up and say, "Oh well, they are gone and their life means nothing now, good thing there's no heaven~it's just over for them, so let's move on!" We would all think that is ludicrous and heartless. Every funeral I have ever attended has 100% hoped their loved one would be received into heaven~a better place!

There are times you will need  to verbally teach, times to discipline and correct, times to lead by example and times to guide in prayer. A man of confidence knows that humility is not weakness, but instead a gentle source of power and great influence. No one wants to be beaten into submission, but many will gladly follow a leader who is confident, humble, encouraging and shows love and concern for others!

Fathers and daughters~Fathers you have a silent influence upon your daughters lives! You are the example of how The Heavenly Father loves and cherishes His daughter. You are the example of how a man should treat a woman. You are the example of what a gentleman should be, a loyal husband, a provider for your family. You set the stage for what your daughters will be looking for in a man. Fathers teach your daughters to be young ladies of respect and one to be cherished. Teach them to be responsible, beautiful from the inside out, wise with truth and discerning between right and wrong.

Studies have shown that girls are more promiscuous when they are lacking in the love, compassion and acceptance of their fathers. Girls, for the most part, don't just want to go have sex with guys for the fun of it only to feel used afterwards, they are searching for a love and acceptance from a male figure in their life. 

Mothers you too have a significant role in the lives of your children. Mothers you have a silent influence upon your daughters in many ways! You are the example of what a woman should be, the example of integrity & grace, the example of a honorable wife, a loving mother and a child of The Living God or a follower of this broken world.

Mothers teach your daughters what a virtuous woman should be, a daughter of the King, a wife created as a helpmate to her husband, a mother who nurtures, teaches, guides and encourages her children to be blessed and prosperous. Teach her that beauty from within will blossom into something much greater than physical made up beauty. Teach her to serve other without expecting praise or recognition. 

There are times you will need  to verbally teach, times to discipline and correct, times to lead by example and times to guide in prayer. A woman of virtue knows that self-control and personal respect is not a weakness, but instead a gentle source of power and great influence. No one wants to be lectured by a hypocrite, but many will gladly follow the one who leads by example and is confident in what they believe, humble, encouraging and shows love and concern for others!

Mothers & sons~ Mothers you have a silent influence upon your sons lives! You are the example of how The Holy Spirit loves and comforts His sons. You are the example of how a woman should treat a man. You are the example of what a virtuous woman should be, a loyal wife, a nurturer for your family. You set the stage for what your sons will be looking for in a woman. Mothers teach your sons to be young men of respect and one to be honored. Teach them to be responsible, gentlemen with manners, wise with truth and discerning between right and wrong.

Bless your family in this generation and many generations to come by loving God and seeking His Truth, loving your spouse and loving your children with a greater love, devotion and purpose! 

This life is the only one you will every have in this physical body on this earth and the time is limited, so make the most of what you have, don't dwell on the mistakes of the past, but press on to what is ahead and see amazing changes as you seek HIM! Always remember you will only raise your children once and never forget you will live with those results for ever!

Mother's of Blessing

Oh, how many of us were blessed and honored as we received gifts, gratitude and gestures of love from our husbands and children? The blessing is all in the perspective, more than it is in the things we receive.  

In America, we have established a day to celebrate mother's. Yet, as my daughter pointed out in a letter she wrote to me, why is it that we must wait for a specified day to appreciate our mothers? Without a mother, life would not be! 

What is a mother of blessing? 

1. One who receives the privilege of training up a child(ren)
   
2. One who offers love to a child or children
   
3. One who exemplifies grace, sacrifice and honorable integrity
   
4. One who teaches by example 1st, and words to reinforce
   
5. One who cares for the needs of others before herself
   
6. One who gains wisdom in order to share it with others
   
7. One who raises the next generation to live as one who is blessed, humble and full of gratitude

Many times, mother's are taken for granted, because they are so good at multitasking, sacrificing and seeing to it that things workout. Do I hear an Amen? 

For those of you like me, who appreciate the visual, here is a simple list of some the hats we may wear as a mother:

• The caretaker
• The cook
• The cleaning lady
• Dr. Mom
• Teacher/Coach
• Taxi
• The hair dresser
• The personal assist and cheerleader
• The counselor 
• The advocate
• The comforter

Well, the list could go on, but I think we have covered the concept! 

I thank God for the gift of life, the choice to receive it and the opportunity to grow in gratitude as we see beyond ourselves. May we continue to look at the Big Picture and not dwell in the immediate circumstances in the times of struggle. May we savor every moment as a blessing and opportunity to learn and grow in faith. Let us spend our time wisely, as it will pass quickly. Let us love our children and train them up in the way they should go that when they are older than will not turn from it. May the next generation and those to come rise up with honor and grace to live a life worthy of praise through the Author and Creator of Life! 

May mother's continue to be, Mother's of Blessings and her children call her Blessed!

Learning How to Respond

Author Nancy Samalin makes a very good analogy in her book, Loving your child is not enough, positive discipline that works, one of which is, "we tend to want to protect our children from unhappiness." However, they need us to be a sounding board, acknowledging their feelings without judgment and allowing them to express it and work through it. 

She goes on to say, "Learning to respond empathically is a first and necessary step in helping children feel more competent." She also explains why this is such a hard task as a parent. Most parents tend to react to their children's feelings of being upset and she states, "we tend to get more upset and our emotions get in the way of our ability to recognize and accept their feelings." 

I agree with this, but would like to expand a little as well. I believe many times we, as parents, try to run cover, making excuses for their comments, and ignoring their need to be acknowledged, especially if it catches us off guard. Another problem I have experienced is wanting to fix everything, therefore, rather than truly listening and allowing them the opportunity to express their emotions, we tend to disregard them by telling them how it should be. 

So, if you are like me, you may be wandering at point, OK, so how are you suppose to respond? This book gives many examples of situations and how to respond, but I will share a different example. 

Son - (withdrawn and pouting)  

Mom - What's wrong?

Son - Nothing, I'm just sick of no one caring how I feel.

Mom - Well, how do you feel?

Son - It doesn't matter, no one cares anyway.

Mom - Why don't you tell me?

Son - Why should I, you'll just tell me how I shouldn't feel this way.

Mom - Wow, I'm really sorry. You must feel as though I haven't listen to you. 

Son - Yes, and you always want to tell me how wrong I am for the way I feel. 

Mom - Son, I am so sorry. I bet that makes you feel as if I don't care about your feelings. 

Son - Yes it does! Wow, mom thanks for caring. 

Now how many other ways could this same situation be handled? Such as the mom reacting with, "That's not true and you need to quit saying things like that!" or "Quit feeling sorry for yourself and move on." As you know the list could go on and on, but the question becomes what is the best way to respond? 

Finally, there are times we need to set firm boundaries. We may still be able to acknowledge ones feelings, yet not allow harmful behavior to be encouraged. Asking the child questions about their comments is a great way to allow them to know you are listening. Just remember it may take awhile for this process to change for both parents and kids, so be patient. 

Here's a point to ponder:  If you are having the some consistent battle with your child learn a new approach!